Colleges/Universities

Today was an important day in our family, for this evening our younger daughter graduated from Loyola University in Chicago summa cum laude with her Bachelor’s degree in Nursing. Four years ago her big sister graduated from college, so now both our girls have completed their formal educations (at least the part that we committed to helping them pay for). Officially, our work as parents is completed, and Jenny, like her sibling before her, is ready to go forth in the world and support herself. Realistically, we know that both girls will continue to look to us for emotional support and encouragement, even if they may no longer need our pocketbooks (the job market willing). And we’re glad of that; as independent and smart and able as they are, we hope to always be a part of their lives, without handing out too much unsolicited advice, of course!

This time of year always gets me thinking about graduations and new beginnings and young people going out beyond the comfortable boundaries of families and hometowns. When I was teaching, I gave one assignment to my senior English students’ parents. Sometime in the second semester the class would be reading Shakespeare’s Hamlet, and there would be Polonius’ lengthy speech giving advice to his son Laertes as he prepares to depart for studies at the university. Often we tend to think of it as a string of cliches (“Neither a borrower nor a lender be”, etc.), and often Polonius is portrayed as a pompous old buffoon with little wisdom of value to impart. If you look at the lines carefully, though, you have to admit that much of what he says is true, and if Laertes takes it to heart, could serve him well.

So I would ask the parents of those soon-to-be-graduating seniors to write a letter to their sons and daughters, passing along to their children some of the wisdom and advice that perspective, time and contemplation had lent them. Of course, it wasn’t a graded assignment; in fact, I never opened and read the letters. I simply gave a due date and asked that the letters be turned in in a sealed envelope addressed to the child. On one of the last days of class before graduation, I handed the letters out to the students and let them read what their parents had wanted to share with them.

It was always a powerful exercise; most of those kids had never received such a thoughtfully composed letter from their parents. In the written word, the parents could share their hopes and dreams and advice without it coming across like a lecture or scolding. Most took the opportunity to write of their feelings of love and pride for their offspring that many found it difficult to express face to face. Many of the students, feeling the mixture of excitement and fear which always accompanies big life changes, found in the letters the reassurance that their folks would still be standing behind them, no matter how far their search for the “real world” took them.

It is at graduation ceremonies that we usually sit through several lengthy speeches from deans, professors and invited commencement speakers in which they offer their own bits of advice to the grads before them. Have you ever thought about what you would say if given the opportunity to address such an audience? What might you share with your child, niece or nephew, family member or friend as he or she prepared to leave high school or college for the wide world? What have you learned about the world and humanity that you feel would be of value to someone just starting out? What say you, Polonius?

– Patty Vanikiotis, proofreader